I know now (or I like to think I do) we didn’t fall in love just once. It was over and over, again and again but starting without an ending and beginning. It was a continuation and a growing. It was, also,part of the maintenance needed to uphold things of value. It was a progressive journey beginning with friendship; feeling; fondness; affection; adoration; tenderness; passion; and peaking with devotion. It was a wonderful crescendo.
The music begins………
This opus started with glances; casual conversations; group gatherings; lighthearted spontaneous meetings; casual sharing; discrete and sheltered engagements; trust; intimate sharing. I can recall moments from all of these chapters and transformations and beam with delight.
Shall we dance…..
I was often unnerved by the feeling that someone was watching. On a crowded commuter train it was hard to spot the eyes focused on you. Everyone seemed focused on their morning paper, involved in conversations, or just using the travel time for a brief nap. I told myself it was just my imagination and would keep my eyes focused on my travel companion, the newest novel. Then when it is apparent you are not just the casual traveler, you exchange greetings with the other regulars. Greetings turn into conversations that continue with the exiting of the train and the walk to workplaces. And before long, travel companions are sharing a morning cup of coffee at one of the restaurants on the walk to work.
It was you who I felt watching me from the beginning. You admitted this quite sometime later as we sat alone and smoked a cigarette. Then you asked if you could kiss me for the very first time. Just to feel the softness of my mouth, you said. You loved the perfect shape of my lips. I wondered with a smile how often that line worked for you. I replied, “Timing wasn’t right if you had to ask” and we moved on.
The music played on….
Thirty-nine years later, even in your weakened state when I would lean to kiss you goodnight, when you could, you would put your hand on the nape of my neck and kiss me oh so gently with parted lips, just to feel the softness and shape of my lips. I could still feel the tenderness in your touch and see the passion in a single tear roll from the corner of your eye. And, I knew you fell in love with me still and again. And, we still danced.
Each chapter of our story had a tenderness and a passion. I can savor them always, even though now I stand alone on the dance floor swaying to the music that lingers in my heart.